One early morning, a shatter of a thirty-eight caliber explosion had my aunt's mother-in-law's eyes open. She looked up, and over her, stood my grandmother, hands placed to her wounded chest.

"Evelyn, I just shot myself," Grandmother said. "I shot myself ... I shot myself ... " And our dear, sweet Grandma fell over.

That was the saddest day of my entire life. Grandmother could not be revived; and it burdens me this day to know that she followed exactly what her father had done. During the 1930's Depression era, my grandmother, at the age of thirteen years old, had witnessed her own father's death in their backyard.

I, along with other family members, do not believe our grandmother took her life. It was just unbelievable, even to this day. But what you've read above is what we were told. Thus, if it were true, it appears then that suicide evidently runs in my family; that, since grandmother's dad took his own life. I don't know if it's a hereditary thing or not, but my family and I have often wondered what would've triggered our grandmother to do such a thing? As I've pondered many times, I began to realize that Grandmother did not really want to die. If one would just listen to her little feeble voice a moment here, "I shot myself ..." one will come to realize that Grandmother was trying to tell someone. I believe her words were actually meant this way, "Oh dear, I shot myself ... what have I done?!" Yes, Grandmother was pleading for immediate help. If she had not wanted anyone to know, then the trauma of her body would not have allowed her to make it to the couch where her friend slept, or say anything at all.

Often times we think about Grandmother, but life had to go on. So now, since that dreadful day, what then had Grandmother accomplished, or rather missed by taking her life (if she truly had)? As well as we had known her, I'm sure she would've possibly reconsidered, and wouldn't have done it. But in spite of it all, Grandmother has now missed out on meeting the darling new additions to the family. Those were the grand and great grandchildren that she would've adored; and their sweet little admirations for their Grandma would've been lovingly returned.

Grandmother's apprehension not only began when Grandfather passed away earlier, but developed during pneumonia. It seemed every since Grandmother had gotten out of the hospital, and while on prescription, she feared of ever getting well at all. Her worst fear? That she would be placed in a nursing home. Even though she had been repeatedly informed she would not be tucked away from family members, we believe it was her medication that had caused her so much fear, worry and despair. I believe with all my heart the ingredients in her prescription(s) were the key reason why she's not with us today.

Whether or not it was the medication, Grandmother's death still hurts, regardless. We love and miss her terribly; we just wish we had paid her a little more attention ...

Attention. Isn't that what most of us in the world urgently needs? Are we desperately crying out today for all our suffering and hurt to be solved; wishing our problems would just go away?

Have you had a loss of someone you loved so dearly? Has there been death of a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, child? Death of boyfriend / girlfriend, or has there been a sudden breakup? Death of a husband or wife? Any other family member? A friend? Or, a favorite pet? ... Do you no longer have self-esteem; are you that unhappy with your looks? Are you facing physical changes you're not happy with? Underweight? Overweight? Do you feel pressure to succeed in life? Do you feel like you've failed in the workforce? In school? During a cheerleader, football, or any other tryout? Do you feel you've failed in a relationship with boyfriend / girlfriend? Or, with family in the home? ... Are you facing changes in your home - a new addition (or departure) of family members? Divorce? Does mother have a boyfriend now? Or, does daddy have a girlfriend? Or, are your parents remarried, but to someone else? ... Are you being bullied by someone? Or, are you the bullier? Have you been mistreated, mentally or physically abused by someone? Has your loved ones verbally put you down? ... Is boyfriend / husband or girlfriend / wife cheating? ... Have you been diagnosed with some terminal illness, so devastated that you can't bear it? Are you becoming fearful as you approach old age? ... Are you so stressed out with your job / business, financial difficulties, family and friends, or just with life itself? ... Are you rich or famous (or poor) -- to the point it has gotten you so down that you feel something in life is still missing? ... Are you addicted to food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sexual fantasies you can't seem to control? ... Has a tragedy come upon you, or a loved one, forcing changes in your life? ... Are you a child of God, who has doubts about faith? Are you really supposed to sacrifice yourself according to the Qu'ran? Will you be a failure to God if you don't? Or, will you be a failure to God if you do? Do you have doubts about whom you really are? ...

My friend, the list could just go on and on. But please understand that not any of the above, or any problem not listed here, is worth dying for. Sometimes at the spur of our frustrated and stressful moments, we may think something like, "Oh, life sucks; I want out. I wish I could die, and just sleep forever!" We think at the moment that suicide may be the only way out ...

Or, we may feel we're destined to destroy a nearby group, where hopefully we'll be rewarded on the other side ...

Or, we may feel we're here to help put another out of their misery ...

But honestly, friend, Who are we kidding?

Did you know that every 42 seconds someone attempts suicide? That at every 18 minutes someone dies by suicide? The number of deaths from suicide each year is approximately the same number of deaths from AIDS. (Sources: National Institute of Mental Health, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the National Center for Suicide Statistics, American Association of Suicidology and Crisis Clinic). In many cases the thoughts, or actions, of suicide arises because people cannot think of any other way to resolve their situation(s). In some cases, suicide takes place as revenge, or to retaliate by hurting another, or derives from fear of illness, or it's just simply, because of something in life that appears to be too unbearable.

If we're one who's trying to deal with feelings of hate, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, shame and grief, and feel there's no other hope for us today, then we must consider the outcome if we're pursuing to take out our life. So then, shall we review what the outcome would be while we're gone? Then please continue by going to "The Other Side".

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